Me-Time Ain’t a Myth! by Cindy Rushton
December 17, 2009
Me-Time. Is it an extra or essential? Is it a myth that is only there to disillusion and frustrate the godly woman?Is it a distraction from the call of womanhood?
Sweet friends, “Me-Time” ain’t a myth! It must be a discipline. It can make or break you.
I was just peeking in at Facebook–I know, I know! I am SUPPOSED to be writing! Well, NOW I am! ha!
I ran across a link to an article that is STILL circulating on the web about the “Me-Time Myth” for moms.
Nice rhetoric. But, interestingly written by a YOUNG mom. I have written many, many things as a young mother. I have NO problem with youth. Just a problem with short-sighted youth. I just wonder what she will think about her ideas as she grows older? I wonder if her children will embrace her teaching on this one–or resent her for this commitment? I wonder how many young mothers will be led astray into the pit of depression or despair because they have embraced this teaching?
This week, my son got married. Of course, this year, I have moved into the “empty nest” years. There is something about this season of motherhood that is strangely more retrospective than ever before. I have evaluated my decisions through the years even more than ever. I think that is why I am SO alarmed by this article. It goes against everything that God has taught me through some very hard, hard times. It goes against everything that I have learned to regret through the years of motherhood.
Want to know what I think looking back?
It is “essential” for young mothers to take time to take good care of themselves. Fail in this area and regardless of your great work, you will fail in all other areas.
Mothers have to be ALL THERE ALL OF THE TIME. No mother can fully be what God has called her to be if she does not take good care of herself all along the journey. She will crash under the load. Everyone will suffer.
Recently, I was at the gym talking with some of the older ladies that were there. (Actually, it is interesting and quite bothersome how few ladies my age or younger are at the gym–perhaps because of those who “slam” the idea of taking care of yourself as being “selfish” or “ungodly” or “worldly” perhaps??? I know that I have heard it A LOT through the years.)
These Titus 2 woman are different from many of the ladies that I see in our culture. They radiate God. They have a peace that I have not seen in a long, long time. They are truly alluring. They are a glory to God. They draw me into biblical womanhood.
When I go to work out, they are usually there cheering me on, noticing my hard, hard work, and sharing wisdom that I need more than ever. They are truly worth far more than rubies! 
The other day, they stopped me and commended me for being there, taking good care of myself. I got teary, remembering how much I have changed through the years. Actually, I see things much, much different now than just a year ago. I remember thinking that I just did not have time for ME. I remember thinking that it was just selfish to take so much time to workout. Oh, I was constantly turned inside-out over whether or whether not it was selfish to want to finish my daily quiet time or have a bubble bath ALL TO MYSELF! Now, get an idea of why I teared up?
They began talking about their concerns for the younger women who put themselves on the back-burner and end up very burned out in the midst of the heavy demands of mothering. These precious ladies were talking about how much they wish they had only known how to balance taking care of themselves better while they were on the front lines as young moms. That is my wish for all of you. Where were they when I was young? Oh! To have more godly OLDER woman rise up and teach us how to be godly women!
We need to hear this wisdom more now than ever. Talk to the older women (Titus 2). Learn from them. Really listen to their regrets. They are key to your life today. They are key to your life many years to come.
Your calling as a godly woman is not a little thing. You have to be ALL THERE. That means that you MUST take good care of yourself–spirit, soul, and body. It is not a selfish thing. It is not as worldly thing. It is an essential. It is a command (see Deuteronomy 6). It is modeled and commanded all throughout Scripture. Even Jesus modeled it in His very busy, hectic, and demanding life.
It is NOT good enough to take care of your spirituality ONLY. God created us in His image–spirit, soul, and body. Yes, He has paid the price for our freedom spiritually, but that is not where He left it. He also paid the price for our freedom mentally, emotionally, and physically. It is not just an extra to take care of ourselves. It is an essential if we are being a good steward of what God has entrusted us to.
I KNOW it is hard. I know that it is a battle to even make time for “Me-Time” in the midst of the heavy demands of managing the godly home. I know that you can feel that it is never quite enough. That is not because it is WRONG, but rather it is because this must be a daily discipline–we all need a daily quiet time (nothing is more important to train your children in than to respect your daily quiet time)…daily time to exercise and take care of yourself physically…daily time to pow-wow with your spouse…a regular investment in relationships with other godly women…on and on! Yes. DAILY.
It must be a priority each and every day before you begin anything else. You MUST have your “daily manna” to feed your spirit, soul, and body. Don’t you think it is interesting that God told His people in Scripture that they were to gather enough manna FIRST for themselves, then for their households, and then for those who came into their tent. Strange how easy we get this all backwards–give to the world (maybe even our churches), then give leftovers to our families and usually leave ourselves anorexic and starving to death in the background. And, manna is not just about “spiritual things.” It was LITERAL FOOD that God provided. A daily food.
I think this teaching on the woes of “Me-Time” just “punches my buttons” because I failed in this area of my life when the kids were very young. I denied myself to the point that I did crash. I sacrificed for everyone else, thinking that it was the “godly thing” to do. It took the ramifications from this lifestyle to get my attention: depression and sickness.
I bought the “lie” that it was “godly” and “dying to myself” to take care of everyone else but ME. I did not believe that “ME-TIME” was important until I was in the pit. My biggest lesson from the pit was that if I do not set aside time for MOM, there is a very weak mom up against a “strongman” and that is not God’s best. That is not God’s will. Our Heavenly Father has called us to be “Virtuous” women. That means that we will be “armed and ready for battle.” No one is armed and ready for the battle when they push their limits and refuse to invest anything into themselves. A good soldier must be fully prepared and strong at all times– Army strong: spirit, soul, and body.
I can certainly understand the reasoning behind the “Me-Time Myth.” However, the secret is not in becoming a mommy martyr, denying the needs that we all have and must be honest about. The secret is learning how to balance the huge demands that we face as a godly women–learning what to let go of anything that hinders us from running the race and pressing toward the mark (Those extra activities for the kids, perhaps? Running on empty? Doing “the stuff” instead of the most important things?) and learning how to really soak in and enjoy the precious gifts we have–whether that time is ALONE or surrounded by all of our treasures.
It IS tough! But, it is essential if we are going to become the godly women that God created us to be.
So, sweet friends, I come to you as an older woman (eek!). I challenge you to look beyond the rhetoric and learn from God and the teachers He is sending into your lives–Titus 2 teachers. Be balanced. Let the stuff go that keeps you from being able to “BIBLICALLY” take good care of yourself. Don’t fall for either lie–the selfish lie that it is all about you OR the “Pharisee’s” lie that you are called to be a mommy martyr during this season. Really think about what your children are learning at this time–do you want for THEM to live like YOU? I want for my children to live an abundant life and have ALL Christ died to give them. That begins with loving themselves–otherwise they can never love others…or God. I am their greatest teacher. I pray that I teach this lesson well!
A different perspective…
Love ya!
Cindy
“She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks…” Proverbs 31: 17
PS…Any comments older women (or younger women–looking on our lives?)????
I think this is important advice, and I totally agree with both points: 1- Moms need to take care of themselves spiritually, emotionally, physically; and 2– it can be challenging to do this, especially when you have young children or many children. I have nine kids, and homeschooled them. I am still schooling the youngest two, but I remember the busier times and how drained and stretched I was (and felt I “had to be”, because I didn’t know what else to do). Maybe you’ve already talked about ways to take care of yourself in other articles… I don’t know; but if not, it would be a good topic to cover. You could give ideas on how a young, busy mom could realistically do daily quiet times (I’m sure there are many creative approaches to this) and do some things for her own enjoyment/relaxation, and could make exercise a regular routine– either alone, or with kids.
Hey Cindy! I had to register a new profile because my old one doesn’t seem to be registered anymore?
Anyways, right on. I so needed to hear this. Every time I see that article I cringe
. I’ve also struggled from depression and exhaustion as a young mother (okay, I’m still young). But it’s only this past little while that I’ve realized that I NEED to exercise, I NEED to do things by myself, I NEED to be faithful with my Bible readings. Because if I don’t, I’m not helping anyone!
Still, when I see that article I feel a twinge of guilt…”Am I a bad Mom?” So thanks for this!
Hey Diane and Jennifer!
I completely agree! It is so hard for moms to carve out that time. For me, I think it was a mixture of actually BEING so busy that by the time I COULD grab time for me, I was collapsing in exhaustion!
Now, looking back. I think that I would have had more energy and been a better mom if I had put first-things-first–took better care of me first thing each day!
Another problem was, just what I shared in this article, I struggled with what OTHERS told me about “godliness” and bought the lie that taking care of myself was an EXTRA and even downright selfish. This one lie took me down the path toward total exhaustion and depression. I just do not want to see ANYONE else go down that path. That is EXACTLY what the enemy wants!
Diane, I do have some workshops that would be a great help. I will work on some more articles along this line. All you have to do is let me know when you would like to see help on certain topics. That helps me to have fresh ideas that REALLY help you!
Oh! One more thing! I have a new blog that is focused on “Getting Fit and Healthy.” You can find it at: http://www.CindyRushton.com/getfit I have some new audios that are being posted at this time. I hope to have more info there as we go through the year. I think you will LOVE it!
Have a super day sweet friends! Keep posting!
Love,
Cindy
PLEASE tell me how to do this!!!
I am 6mo pgt with my third child. My others are 4 and 2. After having my 1st baby I had major depression – I took ADs for 2years but they had no effect. Working out in a focussed manner daily was what lifted me out of the pit of despair.
However, I am finding it much harder to exercise as my pgy progresses.
Going for a walk with the kids does not work – it needs to be proper strength training+cardio.
As for my Bible reading – it’s been years since i’ve done it properly. i have tried many times but during my depression i doubted every word of Scripture even though i prayed and prayed to God for help.
I pray throughout the day but nurturing my faith is a struggle.
Today I especially feel despondent – please post those articles!
Oh! Big, big hugs!
Actually this is part of my heartbeat here on the site and through all that I do. My heart goes out to you! I have been right where you are!
Last year was the first year that I actually DID work out. It changed me forever. Up until then, I did not see the value. In fact, I had bought the lie that it was selfish or “ungodly” to take care of yourself. In turn, I did not bring it into my day. Now, I will never be the same again.
Post-partum depression is really tough. I went through PPD after Matthew was born. I am so sorry that you have gone through such a tough time. I wish I was there! Of course, you are HERE! So, I am honored that I can be here alongside of you on this journey. You are not alone now!
Depression can come from so many things. Maybe it is the hormones. Maybe it is personal or relational conflict. Maybe it is a disappointment. Maybe it is an unmet expectation. Maybe it is a warning sign that something inside needs to be handled and dealt with. Maybe it is time to let go of something that is holding you back from the life that Christ came to give you.
I would lean toward the fact that because the meds did not work, it is is probably because there was a need to battle spiritually on the battlefield of your mind. Especially since your answer was FOCUS! WOW! That is good! Many doctors are quick to prescribe medication when depression can be very, very complex. For the large majority, the real need is mental or spiritual. Of course, I believe that depression can come from any inbalance–spiritually, mentally, or physically. That goes beyond the expertise of many doctors so they miss the real answers very often.
If it helps any, from my research, you may have some very good news! A good walk with the kids each day would be a great option right now in your pregnancy. I am not a physical trainer, but the past two months I have been nursing two injuries and battling a horrible cold. I have been very disappointed that I could not get my regular workouts done–I workout with a pretty hard-core intensity. There was a temptation to think that what I *WAS* able to do was NOT ENOUGH. Yet, it was really, really good for me.
A good daily walk is incredibly good for you. I think that it would be good for you at this time in your pregnancy. In fact, I really think that it would be the very best for you right now.
Sure, it is not as intense as you prefer for it to be, but you are doing more than just working out–you are also creating sweet memories with your children. Don’t underestimate how very, very important that is. Your children need a healthy mama. Healthy is not just physical. It is spiritual, mental, and physical.
So, get out there with the little ones for daily walks. This is a precious time of your life. When you get out there with them, you are taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually. Just SEE THAT. Give yourself permission to enjoy your little ones and make this time FUN! Sure, it may not be as intense or as focused as time in a gym or time working out full-force, but embrace it. You ARE keeping in shape. Plus, look at them scampering along–praise God for the blessings that you have. Notice all of the little things that they are doing each day. Soak in the treasures of motherhood. Yep! This could be the very thing that will help you to BE ALL THERE at this season. It sure goes by too quick. A daily walk with your children can make pull you away from the mediocre and help you to embrace this season fully. In the meantime, it will minister to your heart. Soak it up. Enjoy it!
I totally understand the struggle for time in the Word. One thing that I do for myself each day is plug into great teaching and worship on my iPhone. I have great music loaded, plus great podcasts and audios loaded that help me to dig into the Word and worship while I am doing my chores or going along the way. I know that it is harder when you have little ones, but how about setting aside time while they nap to learn something new each day?
One thing that I am wondering as I read your post–Are you past the depression or is it still lingering on? If it is lingering on, it may help to go to a doctor and let them know how serious it is. I avoided going to a doctor for a long time. I tried to be SUPER MOM. I wanted to keep moving on. I thought that if I kept on going, it would all be ok. It wasn’t. The pit just kept getting deeper and deeper. God brought me to a place where I would finally admit it and let HIM and others around me help.
First thing, He made me admit it. Not just to him, but to my husband and children and to my doctor. That was a pivotal point in my journey. Trust me, my husband, kids, and God knew VERY WELL that I was not ok. My doctor told me that he didn’t know–but, he DID think that I should be down and out because he saw all that had been hitting me for a long, long time. His view was that most people “go down” into the pit way sooner. That comforted me in a weird way!
For the first year, the doctor prescribed CELEXA. It was just perfect for me. It made a huge difference. At the same time, I slowed down and took everything to God for HIM to clean it up and show me what to do. I was SO tired and weary. Doing it on my own had brought on so much trouble. It was past time to let God loose to clean up the mess and help me get back on track.
During that year, God was able to show me some areas of my life that were just pushing me past my own limitations. I was not sleeping or resting like I should. That was first to change. I began taking a daily nap and going to bed earlier. I also was not eating well. I am STILL working on this one!
I had gained weight and THOUGHT that if I did not eat, then I would lose weight. The opposite happened. God is still re-educating me and helping me break from those tendencies. Also, I had to learn how to take every thought captive and test every single thought that came through my mind to see if it was really TRUTH or REALITY. Satan had built a stronghold of wrong thinking that was keeping me depressed. I had to let go of all of that thinking so I could really let God loose to do what He wanted to do for me. That year was pivotal. At the end of the year, God healed me completely from depression–not from the temptations to go back there, but from the sickness. Since then, He has been there teaching me all along the way and bringing me to place where I am getting fit and healthy in spirit, soul, and body.
If depression is still chasing you around, I cannot suggest any more highly that you get some help. Admit it. Attack depression as if your life depended upon it–it does! Don’t let the enemy beat you down. Today is the day to come out of the enemy’s camp and run free! And, again, you are not alone! I will be there all along the way!
Yes! I will definitely get busy posting more help. Thanks for letting me know what you REALLY NEED. I will do it beloved!
Take good care!
Love ya!
Cindy