Have something that you really want (and NEED!) to do, but you just sabotage yourself? Either you just don’t do it…or you hate every minute of doing it…or you dread it and put it off until well never! 🙂 It is the first thing to go. It is the last thing to do. Or, maybe you do it for a little while, but always quit?
I get it!
About 25 years ago my doctor told me that I need to lose weight and get fit and healthy. I was committed while I sat in his office. Ok—it was more than that! I actually went directly to the gym and paid for a one-year membership…and that was the last day I went into that gym until I went in to cancel my membership.
Talk about guilt and shame. They were beating me up. I listened to them. But, I ignored what I really wanted and needed.
Sure, I ate a few salads here and there. I tried to make more grilled chicken and fish. But, that was the end of my commitment.
I failed.
My weight rose to its highest—a good 65lbs MORE than that day in the doctor’s office. I did not even want to go to see him because I was afraid of what I was doing to my body. I was feeling simply horrible. So, I hired an amazing trainer and started walking and exercising at a gym. I knew that she knew me well enough to kick my tail if I missed any workouts. I lost 77lbs and felt on top of the world. I was eating super healthy. I did not miss a day of activity. I also ran my first 5K and took a video to tell my trainer that I did it—SURPRISE!
Then, I hurt my ankle running. I just pushed harder. But, it kept giving me problems. So, then I started skipping workouts. And, I started making excuses.
You know what happens then.
I gained every single pound back. I had new “stories” I told myself about why I could not do it. I told myself those stories all the way back to that same stinking weight!
One day I was thinking about how much better I felt about myself and life when I was just taking time to love on myself and invest in my health. So, I laced up my dusty shoes, put on my favorite worship music, and went outside for a little walk. I just loved on myself for a bit and it felt soooo good! So good that I did it the next day and the next and the next. The walks inspired me to drink more water and eat better. It was only a few months later I was down 35lbs.
At that time, I hit a problem. Yes, my marriage fell apart right in front of my eyes and I was thrust into a divorce that I did not want. I was a hot mess. The only way I could deal with the pain and the stress and the fears was to go outside and pound the pavement while I worshipped and prayed. Imagine to my delight when I lost all of that weight and kept on losing. I felt better than ever—spirit, soul, and body!
But!
Yes…as I began working a job and I went back to school, I had less and less time to invest in working out or walking/running. I was under more stress. I was not eating the best choices for my health. The pounds started coming back on and with a vengeance. The crazy part was how as I got closer and closer to that high weight again, I was finding it all harder and harder to get back where I was. I was also finding myself feeling worse and worse. Of course, I haven’t mentioned that my standard for getting back on track did not allow for an “entry-level.” I wanted it to be right back where I was. Guess what happened? I got hurt. Then, all of the myriad of excuses came right back on the table.
I was more overwhelmed than ever.
I was more disgusted with where I was than ever.
I was feeling more and more ashamed and guilty.
Then, I got sick.
It is the same story, except that this time I was sicker than I had ever been. The overwhelm, the disgust, and the fears were companions that were with me any time I would THINK about lacing up my shoes and just going outside. This time was different. I knew I could do it. I had overcome before. I had lost the weight before. My professional training certified me as a coach for others who I helped reach their goal weight. However, this time I also had so many failures in my story that I just could not stomach another failure.
So, years have rocked on. My story has been one that I can’t believe is mine. I know exactly how to do it. I know exactly what is needed. I want it. I need it! But, I wasn’t doing it. Then, I saw a message from my dear friend and coach, Kelly McCausey. She has inspired me with her own weight loss. She is a rock star! She knew my junk better than anyone. She sent a message to ask her anything. I thought—here is my chance to figure out what is going on with me and how to possibly fix it.
Sweet friend, I have searched for answers for years. All I wrote above has transpired for so many years.
As Kelly began to share, she was so real and so vulnerable that it truly broke through all of my lies that I was telling myself. The one thing that jumped out was when she shared that it was about daring to love herself. She admitted how our bodies hurt and how it is difficult. I get that. I think it was because she could really understand the real hindrances and obstacles AND the stories that we tend to tell ourselves that she finally reached my heart.
Truly, this video is so powerful. It has gone with me beyond the moment of watching it. I have to share it with you guys because I believe that there is someone else who is right here with me. I think it is time for us to do it!
Why not dig in to it today:
Oh!
I am excited to share that I am down 16lbs and I am walking daily–just loving on myself one-step-at-a-time.
I am not killing myself with a crazy pace–actually, I am nurturing myself with a slow pace. I cannot explain how the switch literally turned the darkness of confusion, guilt, and shame into a bright new way of living!
THANKS Kelly! I am forever grateful for you!
Happy Saturday sweet friends!
Blessings,
Cindy
PS—Don’t miss this week’s podcast! It is right along the same lines as we talk about what we DESIRE the most! Totally straight off my heart! Here is where you can listen:
https://cindyrushton.com/CindyRushtonShow/blog/episode-24-what-do-you-desire-the-most/
PPS—PPPS – Did you grab Cindy Bidar’s set Email Marketing Campaigns: How to Fill Your Calendar With Engaging Offers That Get Results yet? Don’t wait! It is soooo good! Here is the link and coupon code: https://cindyrushton.com/emailmarketing (Use Coupon code CAMPAIGNS to save 63%)
