“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helpmeet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
What a beautiful picture of God’s provision for man!
God had literally given Adam the whole world but He knew that was “not good” because man was still alone. So, in great provision, God created a “helpmeet” suitable for Adam. Not a helper to work in the garden for Adam so he could spend his days playing golf (or hunting!). Not a doormat to walk upon! Instead, God provided Adam with a “helpmeet,” with a very special purpose of being the completer of Adam!
What is a Helpmeet?
Help in its verb form means “to aid or supply that which the individual cannot provide for himself–conveying the idea of aiding someone in need.”
Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines helper as “one who helps (gives assistance, strength, promotes, delivers from difficulties or distress, advances a purpose, relief, to contribute strength or means, aids or assists, furnishes or administers a remedy, one who supplies with anything wanted.”
Meet comes from the Hebrew word meaning, “opposite… according to opposite of him, meaning that she will complement and correspond to him, she is to be equal to and adequate for the man.”
The meaning of this is also deepened in Webster’s 1828 Dictionary, correspond: “to suit, to answer; to agree; to fit; to be adapted to; to be equal; to be adequate or proportioned.”
A Helpmeet is to provide what is needed or lacking. She is fit for her husband. She is suitable for him. She is adapted for him and she is adapted to him. She is compatible to him. God created her for his companion, his partner!
Look at the various ways that we come alongside our husbands as their helpmeet…
The Praying Helpmeet…
A helpmeet is marked by a life of prayer. She will pray for her man! I am not talking about a simple little “God bless him” prayers, I mean earnest, continual, unceasing prayer. Prayer with a burdened heart until you “pray through” for him. Committing to fast and pray for different needs in his life. So often, more time is spent grumbling and complaining about one fault in our husbands than we spend in prayer for them in a whole year! A helpmeet will be busy praying and fasting for her man.
Let’s do a check–up:
–> Do you pray earnestly, continually, and unceasingly for him?
–> When was the last time that you prayed about a problem of his until it was answered?
–> Do you care enough about his struggles, his dreams, his concerns, and his desires to pray and fast for God’s answers?
–> Do you take your concerns to the Lord or try to handle them yourself?
–> Would your husband call you a woman of prayer?
–> Can he depend on
you to be praying for him?
May we commit to become a praying help meet today!
A few years ago, my husband and I were talking about the needs of men as I was preparing for my book “Hidden Woman.” (Grab your copy here.) It was very interesting that his first response to the needs of men was that they needed three things…prayer, encouragement, and support.
Wow! He went on to share other things…which are the outline of this article (and the book) but he felt that he could not withstand the demands of his job in Law Enforcement or now the demands of his business if those three ingredients were not primary in our relationship.
I agree here on this one! Our husbands’ heartbeats must by our heartbeats. We must really believe in them when the going gets tough! We must purpose to stand beside him EVEN when we have a different plan, or shall I say, ESPECIALLY when we have a different plan. This support must be unconditional too–not based on our moods or their performance.
To check up on this area, ask yourself…
–> Do you really care about things that are important to him (his job or hobbies or dreams or concerns or his heart’s desires)?
–> Does your spirit motivate your husband to be the true leader in your marriage or do you just “take over” when you think he can’t do it himself?
–> Do you trust in his ability to handle decisions and provide for ALL your needs?
–> Does he know that you are on his side?
–> Does he feel your support or does he feel all alone?
The area of respect is the area in which many women unknowingly begin to hurt their husbands. As a result, many begin to destroy their own home in the process. Instead, let’s become like the Proverbs 31 woman and create even more respect for him! Proverbs 31: 23…”Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.”
Respect for our husbands begins at home. They should be fully confident that we would never harm them with our tongues or attitudes. Trust me, if you ever say anything bad about your husband everyone will immediately get their little evil minds going and think 100 times worse than you are saying. Be real careful about this. Our husbands deserve our loyalty in this area. If others see that you honor and respect your husband, they will too.
OK, check yourself in this area…
–> How do you speak to your husband?
–> What about your attitude, what does it say?
–> Do you roll your eyes…act disinterested in what he says…do you correct him the whole time he is talking?
–> How do you speak about him…Praise? Complain? Whine? Admire?
Make it your ambition to be like the Proverbs 31 woman by creating respect for that darling man!
I heard a message not long ago by Denny Kenaston in which he said, “Every man should know what it is like to be a king! He ought to be a king in his own home!”
Well, what is it like in your home…is your husband king? We ought to have our days wrapped around things which bless him. We should admire Him exceedingly. Esteem him. Respect him highly. We will get much, much farther with our husbands with admiration than with nagging, comparing, complaining or whining. We will find them drawing near to us as we treat them with the respect that God created them to need.
Yes, God wants our marriages to be a picture of the church’s relationship with King Jesus.
So, how are you doing…
–> Is your husband the “King of His Castle?”
–> Do your actions and words show admiration, esteem, and respect?
–> Do you stop what you are doing to listen to him?
–> Do you create an atmosphere of excitement about Dad coming home?
–> Do you treat him like you would KING JESUS?
I know, I have finally gotten to a “given” with this point…of course, we LOVE our husbands? RIGHT? Well, I am afraid if it were always that easy the Bible would not have commanded that the older women teach the younger women HOW to love their husbands. We must learn how to really love our husbands.
True love is loving them unconditionally–EVEN when they do not perform as we might want. It is pouring our whole life into him–making HIM great. Honoring his wishes. Pouring our whole life into loving him. Oh, how much tougher–it will take purifying our hearts to fill this great need.
I Peter 3 says that it is the conversation, manner of our life, that will win them over. This requires that we focus on KNOWING God, becoming conformed to the image of Christ, and becoming holy. As we purify our hearts, we will find his heart changing into a heart seeking after us!
What about it dear friends? How are you doing?
–> Do you miss him while he is away?
–> Do you willingly do what he asks?
–> Do you honor his wishes even when he would never know?
–> Do you revolve your life around him?
–> Do you love unconditionally?
–> Is your heart pure?
–> Are you purposing become like Christ or are you too busy trying to help God conform your husband to your standard of LIKE CHRIST?
Let’s purpose to become our husband’s helpmeet by surrendering ALL to God…waiting on God to do the work necessary in our husband’s lives…becoming our husbands’ friend as they step heavenward…never slipping into the flesh by trying to MAKE our husbands into our idea of what God wants!
This was another one of those biggies that my husband shared with me that was vital for him to be successful. I have to agree. Boy, this one is important!
I see those fears that no one else sees. I see those struggles that no one else could ever imagine were there. I feel the pain that is just quietly aching. That is why God gave me that extra dose of encouragement just to help him!
Your husbands are no different! Let’s encourage them to fulfill their goals, to reach for their dreams, and to go where God is leading. Let us be faithful to encourage them with our prayers and let them know that we have been praying for him. Let’s seek God for HIS WORD for them and encourage them with scripture. It is always a blessing to get a copy of the scripture that God has given you to encourage him. Psalm 37 was a special gem that God gave me when my husband was going through a very difficult time. It was an encouragement to know just how God sees things and how He works! This is so encouraging for our husbands when they know that we care enough to go to God on their behalf, to seek God’s Word of encouragement just for them. It really shows them that their struggles are our struggles. As you see him struggle, write notes of encouragement or even love letters about his strengths that you admire. Let him know that you are with him, cheering him on all along the way. And, never underestimate the power of hugs! They are always an encouragement!
So, how do you do in this area?
–> Are you praying for your husband’s struggles?
–> Are you God’s vessel of encouragement for your husband?
–> Do you share special gems from scripture with your husband?
–> Does your husband ever hear what you like about him?
–> What does your husband think of when he thinks of you–she is happy to be my wife, she has faith in me, she needs me, or she would rather do her own thing, she doesn’t have to have me, all I am is a paycheck…I can’t please her?
What is the real difference between the feminist and the Christian Help Meet? I think it is WHO is built up and promoted.
The help meet can get her fulfillment in God’s design for her life–His purpose. The help meet doesn’t have to strive to promote herself, her rights, and her own life. She can relax, trust God, and forward her husband. She can dare to advance her husband. Contribute to his growth, enlargement, or excellence. She values him. She exalts him. She elevates him. She raises him up before herself.
How are you doing?
–> Which are you busy promoting…yourself? The kids? Or you’re darling husband?
–> Are you willing to take the back seat as you forward and advance your husband’s call?
–> Are you willing to set aside all your own dreams to help him pursue his?
–> Are you ready to change your plans to go along with his?
–> Are you willing to pour all of your gifts, strengths, wisdom, etc…ALL into pushing him into the front?
–> Are you willing to be a hidden woman?
Have you ever-paid attention to men? I think that they all have a great need to have that one person who affirms their manhood–their leadership abilities, their masculinity, their sexuality.
Be the one to comfort any of your man’s insecurities. Let him be your hero. Let him know that no one else can take his place. Make him firm- steady, fixed, constant, stable, unshaken, not easily moved, solid, not giving way.
Establish Him as a leader. To establish is to settle or fix what is wavering, doubtful or weak, to make good. Submission will establish him. Through your submission, he will take leadership and will be strong, unwavering, sure, and strong. Affirm him by being loyal to him. Be loyal even when he makes mistakes, when he is facing difficulties, when he is suffering, when he is excited.
How well do you affirm your husband?
–> Does he know that you appreciate him as a man?
–> Does he believe that you cannot live without him?
–> Do you really need him?
–> Are you encouraging his leadership? –> Are you surrendered to his leadership?
–> Are you loyal to him?
Our husbands need for us to believe in them and inspire them to go for their dreams. They need for us to inspire them to absolute greatness. Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines inspire as “the infusion of ideas or direction.” This definition helps us to see our role very seriously.
We should be encouraging them to have ideas, goals, and dreams. We should be the first one to encourage and embrace his ideas, goals, and dreams. Sweet friend, have a vision for all that God calls him to do. Often this is the little spark that they need to really know that they can do what they dream of doing.
How do you know if you are doing OK in this area?
–> Do you believe that your husband is really great?
–> Can God use you to share direction with your husband?
–> Do you encourage your
husband to have ideas, goals, and dreams?
–> Do you lovingly embrace his ideas or beat him down?
–> Have you ever really seen God’s Vision for your husband’s life?
Why not create that spark?
In so many marriages the only challenge that a man might get is when he is doing something he believes in and the wife does not like it! Yuck! I am not talking about that being the kind of challenge of a godly helpmeet. A godly helpmeet can challenge her husband spiritually, mentally, and physically.
Take a peek at 1 Peter 3:1-2…
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the Word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation (manner of life!) of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”
Yes, this kind of challenge spiritually is not the nagging, fussing, complaining, whining, bossing that so many women use to BE the Holy Spirit for their husbands. Instead, it is becoming godly yourself, allowing him time to spend alone with God without becoming jealous, and letting GOD deal with any disobedience in your husband’s life. This means that we dare to be the REAL DEAL. It means that our faith inspires them to step heavenward. It means that instead of being a stumbling block for them, we become a stepping stone–being that person that inspires them to grasp on to all that Christ died to give them.
The mental challenge comes in as we purpose to know our husbands. Not just know about them, but this means getting to KNOW them. Becoming a student of them and their life. This includes getting to know what he does for a living so that you can understand his job/business AND so you can understand his struggles along the way. This means taking interest in his hobbies enough to “talk” about them. It means that we get to know about current events so we can carry on a decent conversation with them. This means staying sharp!
The physical challenge comes as we challenge them to stay fit and healthy. We influence their health in so many ways–in what we prepare for them to eat, in how active we stay as a family, and in making time and priority as a family to hit the gym. We can make it easy OR very, very difficult for them to stay fit and healthy. Our call is to challenge them to stay fit and healthy.
What kind of challenge are you?
–> Do you challenge him to be godly or do you chase him away from God?
–> Do you keep yourself so close to God so he can respect your godliness?
–> Do you know about things he is interested in?
–> Are you stimulating?
I will never forget the influence of my husband’s grandmother who became my best friend until she died. Her marriage relationship was a model of what I believe God wants for us in our homes. She was an honor to her husband. Others would make demands of her but it was Papaw’s wishes she always honored in spite of her desire. It may have been actually her fault that these Rushton men are so spoiled because she showered her husband with attention and all these guys think that all women should do the same. 🙂 I watched her and began to see a model of honor that we could all follow. Her honor for her husband set her marriage apart.
Create excitement about them. Wrap your day around them. Do special things-bake cookies, etc. to surprise Daddy. Pray for him with your children- for his safety, his courage, his ability to minister to others, for his wisdom in making decisions, for his health, etc. Lift up your husband before others–especially your children and other young women!
Remember Titus 2:3-5? You cannot teach others to honor and love their husbands any better way than by your example. It is an ornament for you to honor him with your words and attitudes and actions. It is SO UGLY for you to tear him down and that is SO easy to do. Remember that honor is not based on performance but on position. Treat him like you would treat Jesus. Our homes hurt from a lack of honor. Satan chips away at the home and the man when we talk about them or rebel against them-THIS IS A LINE TO NEVER CROSS!
What about the area of honor?
–> Are you honoring your husband as you would Christ?
–> Are his wishes priorities?
–> Do you create an excitement over his homecoming each day?
–> Are you doing the little things that build HIM up?
–> Are you wrapping everything around him?
–> Are you being a good example for your children and other young women?
–> Are you watching your attitude so that it does not communicate something different than what you deep-down desire?
Sweet friend, I know that this article is a lot of heart surgery but where are you? How are you doing?
You are so priceless. You are so vital. Your husband NEEDS you. Your husband needs for you to be ALL THERE.
How are you doing? Are you so busy doing everything else that you can not take the time for your sweetheart? Are you recognizing the need to build that relationship?
The good news is that God is more than willing to do that work in your life, in your marriage. He has created and equipped you to be a godly helpmeet. Today, step up to that call. You have an incredible journey ahead–I will be cheering you on all along the way!
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