By Cindy Rushton
“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” Proverbs 14:1
Building your marriage? Is it on the back-burner? Busy with the children and the house and homeschooling and working in your business? Just dropping at the end of the day with nothing left over?
I am not trying to give you another thing to do with your busy day. Rather, we need to get back to God’s design for the godly home. Take a peek at this passage from 1 Corinthians 11: 7-9
“The woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.” 1 Corinthians 11: 7-9
Our number one priority after our relationship with God is our marriage. We are created to be a helpmeet. Not a small thing! Not an extra thing. It is absolutely essential.
I have gone through entire years of focusing on different roles that I must fulfill to the detriment of my main calling—to be a wife. My husband is just so easy to please. He doesn’t demand or push me to take care of him. Rather, he is like me. We just stay busy on all we have going on. We mean well. But, if you are not building your marriage–intentionally building your marriage–even a godly marriage begins to fall to pieces over time just due to neglect. The entire home begins to crumble around us.
I remember the first year of homeschooling my children. As the last days of the school-year rolled around I realized that in my enthusiasm of turning my heart back home toward my children and really enjoying motherhood to the fullest, I had not nurtured my marriage as I should have! Days had gone by where both of us were so busy with our other roles that we had very little time, much less energy, to connect. The year just flew by with very little focus on building our marriage. Ever found yourself like this?
There are so many different facets of womanhood. We constantly juggle so many roles. It is so easy to get so wrapped up in one area that we lose sight of all of the others!
Our main calling, first and foremost, as women is to the awesome role as a helpmeet for our husbands. We are to bring glory to our husbands so they may in turn bring glory to God.
Isn’t this beautiful? We are those hidden women who reflect all of the glory back to our husbands…who build up our husbands and promote THEM…who do all that we do to help them subdue and have dominion over the world!
Where there is a beautiful marriage, all else falls into place. Two become one. There is security, stability, and a good model of biblical priorities in the lives of the children. There is a ministry to the world. This is the means that there is glory reflected from the family and the marriage. In turn, this glory magnifies God to our culture. Others see God’s perfect plan for man and woman! There is hope. There is abundant life.
The catch here is that beautiful marriages do not just happen. It takes work. Hard work. It takes commitment. Years of commitment. It takes priority. Intentional priorities.
Want a great marriage? Build your home! Build your marriage. Have no idea where to begin? Let me help. Have a good marriage? A good carpenter always looks for new tools. A good carpenter never thinks he is done. He keeps on building. Marriage is the same way! Let me share a few tools that will make your good marriage even better–or, prayerfully the very best. Ready? Dig in with me…
–> Always build! We don’t have an option. We must intentionally build our marriages or they will fall apart around us. We must be intentional about what we do. Our marriages need to be on our calendar. Our marriages need to be on our daily to-do list. Don’t shove them to the back of everything. The benefits flow to everything and everyone else. So, build your marriage.
–> Don’t hold anything back! Give your all–all your gifts, talents, bents, knowledge, understanding, and wisdom! Be a real helper to your husband! Give him assistance during the tough times. Protect his heart and his name. Step in the gap and pray hedges of protection around him in all that he sets forth to do. Adapt yourself and your whole life to him—to God’s plan for him. Wrap your life around his with the intention to make him great. To bless him. to bring him glory. After all, as you bring him glory, he reflects glory to Jesus, Who reflects glory to our Heavenly Father. It all beings with you. Don’t hold anything back. Pour it all out!
–> Be his best friend! Do the little things to build your friendship. Take time to just enjoy him. Take time to LISTEN. Take time to enjoy the things that he enjoys. Look for ways to pal around. Develop a close, intimate friendship with your very best friend!
–> When in doubt, die to your ways and your ideas and your plans! OUCH! Decide now that you will live your whole life as your husband’s chief support. Only when we die to SELF can we really have an abundant, lavish life. Be the one who gives him that respect that he needs. Be the one who knows all that he is and yet still admires him more than even his little 2-year-old boy! Be the one who loves him unconditionally, enough to give up all life could possibly offer you to build him up! Die to all you had in mind for your life and commit to promote him. Watch what God does when you take that first step!
–> Contribute to his growth, his enlargement, his excellence! Patiently nurture him and encourage him to develop interests (Bible Study, SWAT team, metal detecting, sailing, email–He needs down time too!) that will help him to re-fuel, re-charge, and become strong. Beautiful, forever marriages all have several key elements. One of the most important is embracing change and growth, encouraging each other to expand, keep learning, keep growing, and helping each other press on toward big dreams together. It knits you together in a forever love story!
–> Affirm your man and his manhood—get excited about his leadership, his masculinity, his sexuality, his work! Reassure any insecurities! Enjoy his masculinity. God created him to fill your gaps. ENJOY that rather than despising it. Yes, so often we get frustrated, exasperated, and despise the differences between man and woman. Such a contrast to God’s plan. God wants for us to enjoy our differences. He wants for us to affirm one another. Ask God to help you enjoy your husband and all of the blessings that he brings into your life. Why not begin a list of things that your husband does to provide, protect, and lead you? Keep that list going. When you find yourself struggling with the differences, take time to dwell on your list. It will change your perspective and help you to build your marriage.
–> Be the one person who always believes in him. Be the one person who always has total confidence in him. Inspire him to greatness! Encourage him dream big and go for his dreams. Have vision for all God wants to do in his life. Encourage him. Be his teammate as he works toward that calling. Relieve him where he needs relief—where can you come alongside to help him??
–> See a weakness? Of course, you will. That is part of becoming intimate and real with one another. The question is what do we do when we see a weakness? Do we point it out? Nag them about it? Ask our friends to PRAY for him? Worry? Fret? Fear the future? OR…Do we come alongside of them and offer them strength, back-up, support? Do we take it all to God in intercession with prayer and fasting? Do we jump in and give them inspiration and encourage them. How do we respond when we see their struggles? It makes a world of difference! One choice builds our homes. Another choice destroys our home. Cry out to God on their behalf. Find ways to make it easier for them, any way you can. Help them succeed! Love them in their weaknesses and struggles. Be joyful and positive, always uplifting and encouraging! Let God supply your needs, not your husband, things will relax…you may change your heart! At minimum, you will be building your home instead of tearing it down with your own hands.
Sweet friend, what is your choice today? Will you build? When you build your home, you build your marriage. When you build your marriage, you build your home. Sweet friend, let’s commit to build! Decide now to pour yourself into your husband! Build your marriage! Let the little things go so that you have time to get to know your husband, so you will have time to minister to him in little ways. Take that time for the relationship and you will find that all else will fall into place! Invest your best into your home. You are building a home, a marriage, a godly legacy! Oh, wise woman, BUILD your marriage, BUILD your home!
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